"Marriage Is for White People"

The article is full of good nuggets regarding why marriage may be in decline for both the white and black communities (as statistically pointed out on page 2), but the article seems to lack examples of why the trend is so much lower when comparing black and white statistics. It even goes as far back as slavery for some examples, but then jumps forward to current times (with a minor mention of the 60's) without helping the reader understand what changes occurred specific to the black community.

There was only one part that seemed to answer my question:

many of their female peers . . . are less likely to settle for marriage to a man who . . . may bring too much to the table: children and their mothers from previous relationships, limited earning power, and the fallout from years of drug use, poor health care, sexual promiscuity.

Is that factual or an impression from Joy's experience? The article brings a lot of things into light, and in general is a good read, but it leaves just as many questions as it provides insights into.

I think the author alluded to not knowing what combination of factors have changed how black people perceive marriage. Which really, when you think about it makes sense. When your talking about generational changes that are influenced by society, it takes lots of anecdotal evidence because other data is missing.

As for the quote

many of their female peers . . . are less likely to settle for marriage to a man who . . . may bring too much to the table: children and their mothers from previous relationships, limited earning power, and the fallout from years of drug use, poor health care, sexual promiscuity.

I'd assume its both factual and personal experience. While I doubt there have been any specific scientific studies on that issue, there have been on pregnancy. The fact of matter is teenage and unwed pregnancies have hit the black community rather heavily. The growth of single family homes or large extension families is one side product of this; but the other is an amazing growth of black men with numerous kids across numerous single or extend parental household. When I use the term numerous, I mean anywhere from two kids to five or more.

Who knows when or how it happen; but growing up I recall the switch or possibly even a call to action for black men to step up and be men. This "be a man" campaign focused almost exclusively on being a father; being there for your kids, regardless of child support. It was probably in response to a growth of deadbeat dads, or some other— more nebulous thing—like the redefinition of what a good black man was.

It was the era after the American Civil Rights Movement. James Brown's I'm Black and I'm Proud could have been a theme song. I was born in '68, and by '75 times were a changing.There was a sea change. I remember when conversations in our neighborhood went from who was creeping to general acceptance that men would "creep" and then it became about who would be a good father. But ultimately, I think this story is more about women then men or about both.

Unfortunately, or fortunately as it may, I wasn't too interested in males (black or otherwise) during this time period. This may have been influenced by my eventual "coming out" in college story, but also the subtle communal knowledge that if you didn't want to end up like this neighbor or that, that you got an education and took care of yourself. This "communal knowledge" I think (my perception) became a dividing knowledge or a line in the sand for black women to some degree. Anecdotally, you have those who believed in a tradition where men took care of women, who ended up pregnant, alone (serially), and often on public assistance (welfare, food stamps, public works programs), leaving with their parents or grandparents to provide a home for their child or children versus those who abscond tradition—this included a push for black women to take better paying jobs, get more schooling, possible go to college, etc.

I came from a poor black family. We would have been lower middle class, except for a confluence of fate—steel meals started closing (hitting the Pennsylvania and Ohio steel belt pretty hard), father died unexpectedly, leaving a widowed mother to raise a "large" family (family of six) on social security. I remember when our once kind of nice neighborhood, became "one block from the projects". Because all the families led that middle class life that was just one step from poverty; and the closing of the steel mills pushed them into the abyss.

Feminism hit poor black communities, but it wasn't your traditional white feminism with its focus on equality. It was a call to black women to be strong and proud (with a focus on education and independence); which eased the way for the acceptance, that black men will be black men (and who or how that is would change over time); but it was time for black women to be black women—smart, strong, proud, and independent.

Tradition tied you to poverty and independence to life with a possible future (a future that you had some control over).

In 1981, Gloria Naylor wrote the "Myth of the Strong Black Woman"

The truth is that throughout our history black women could depend upon their men even when they were unemployed or underemployed. But in the impoverished inner cities today we are seeing the rise of the unemployable. These young men are not equipped to take responsibility for themselves, much less the children they are creating. And with the increasing youth of unwed mothers, we have grandmothers and grandfathers in their early thirties. How can a grandmother give her daughter's family the traditional wisdom and support when she herself has barely lived? And on the other side of town, where the professional black woman is heading a household, usually because she is divorced, the lack of a traditional kinship network—the core community of parents, uncles, aunts—makes her especially alone.

I think for the women who took up the call to arms this does leave them in a precarious position if they are looking for marriage. Not getting into the factors of what these women may want in a man; you still have the issue of the marriage selection pool. I can't say why, but a number of the black woman I know who want to get married (not that many, but I know more black lesbians than straight women), seemed more focus on marrying a good black man. I say that because race does seem to be more of an influence than from the white straight women I know. With the white straight women I know, they may date exclusively white but it seems to be more of a factor on who they've been conditioned to find attractive. Those white women who have escaped or somehow bypassed that conditioning, seem to be willing to date all across the racial map; and seem to do so with relative ease. But this seems less so for black women, and I couldn't tell you how much of this is influenced by the lack of opportunity (the theory that most white, asian, and latino guys are look for white, asian, and or latino women, with black women falling to position four in a battle of three) vs lack of willingness.

With the focus on marrying black men, there is an increase likelihood of selecting a mate with the aforementioned: limited earning power, children from prior relationships, poor health, effects of drug use and or sexual promiscuity.

ughh... that would be steel mills not steel meals (sigh).